Jpay J5 Tablet Review
Greetings!
If you've ever asked yourself "How do I engender rabid, frothing madness in my customers?" and come up short on the answer, well have I got a *treat* for you! Consider my personal and ongoing experience with Jpay as a prime example of how to royally fail in customer service...
Five months ago, my sister purchased a new 7" tablet for me. For those unaware, Jpay is the primary method of “email” communication at AHCC. It can take several days for mails to/from loved ones to be exchanged, being subject to the mail room scanning, as with regular snail mail. Tablets enable people to read and respond to these emails without sitting at the public kiosks, which are frequently occupied, only able to be used twice per day, or glitching. Tablets are a wonderful advantage. Until they aren’t. My previous one lasted about two years before the battery and screen began to forget their purpose in life. Upon arrival, the new tablet initialized without a hitch, the battery held a charge for more than ten minutes and the screen responded to the faintest touch. Functioning technology. Hooray!
Approximately three weeks later, Jpay pushed a compulsory (as they all are) "Upgrade" that nuked my email app back to the stone age. Upon opening said app, I find my inbox is utterly devoid of content and after about ten seconds, the app crashes, triggering a warning field that reads: "Unfortunately, email has stopped. OK." And of course, the agreement is compulsory, you can't continue anything until you acknowledge you're a bitch and press "OK".
After much experimentation, I find it *is* possible to get some function out of my glitched email app. Here's what I have to do in the ten seconds available to me:
1. Open the app.
2. Select my Drafts folder.
3. Save a draft (despite the unreliable recipient field).
4. Let the app crash.
5. After pushing the "Yes, I'm a bitch" button, the app reopens in the Drafts field and remains open unless I visit my inbox. Doing that, starts the ten second death cycle.
So I can compose an email and even save it to my outbox, however, the initial crash also makes my sync button disappear. Poof!
Now I have to shut down and reopen the app, (whereupon said sync button magically reappears), press the little spinny wheel and *hope* it syncs. Depending on what phase the moon is in, where exactly 3,997,084 monarch butterflies are at in their migrational journey, and how sailor-like my cursing is, it *may* send my email out before the app crashes. Recently, I've discovered that rapidly and repeatedly pressing my menu button like a crazy person increases the odds of a successful sync.
Yes. This is real.
You might ask "Why haven't you reported this to Jpay's crack customer service department?" Oh, but I have. EIGHTEEN TIMES, good reader. Here's a list of all my trouble tickets and the date they were filed:
PO1320794 August 7, 2021
PO1321508 August 11, 2021
PO1322552 August 17, 2021
PO1324464 August 29, 2021
PO1325999 September 6, 2021
PO1326572 September 10, 2021
PO1326701 September 10, 2021
PO1327423 September 15, 2021
PO1328524 September 22, 2021
PO1329672 September 29, 2021
PO1331910 October 16, 2021
PO1332657 October 22, 2021
PO1333093 October 26, 2021
PO1333370 October 28, 2021
PO1334251 November 5, 2021
PO1334988 November 11, 2021
PO1336715 November 28, 2021
PO1337151 December1, 2021 ("Under Review")
The latest update has Jpay attempting to claim that my tablet is not under warranty.
I wish I was kidding.
Over the past five months, I've filed the above trouble tickets *clearly* and *kindly* explaining the issue. Out of all of them, perhaps three actually attempt to remedy the situation. The rest are pat responses with ZERO bearing on my troubles or were completely ignored and closed without any response at all.
Its like ordering a salad and the waiter delivers you a cinder block. You say "No, no, no, a *salad*," and they return with a doped up walrus. "No! Not a walrus! A SALAD!" They hand you a can of motor oil. Its nonsensical.
The attempts to fix the problem were no better, consisting of ineffectual wipes and reinitializations, followed by inane advice:
"Salad is best eaten with a fork. Have you tried using a fork?"
I don't have any salad, just this brick and an oily walrus.
"Forks are tools."
AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!
When Jpay asked to erase and reset my tablet a third time, I said sure, but I'd much rather you just fix the busted app or send me a new tablet per the warranty. They closed the ticket without comment or remedy.
I did receive one message that was effectively a recreation of that poor cat hanging from a branch: "We're working on it and have forwarded your issue to the proper department. Hang in there." What is this department?! How do I speak with *them*?!
Crickets.
I suppose I shouldn't complain. An associate of mine can't even open his email app without it shutting his tablet off. Another is suffering the same fate as me, but is also missing his entire photo gallery. In fact, *everyone* I know with a Jpay tablet is suffering one or more failures that make their devices a mockery of what they're supposed to be: A conduit to the outside world, a lifeline to friends and family... A point of connection hampered just in time for the holidays.
Give the gift of Jpay this holiday season only if you HATE who your gifting.
Happy Chrismahannakwanzaka everyone! =D
