The Administration has been asking the population a very curious question the last several years:
"What sort of incentives can we offer to curb violence?"
What they're really asking is:
"What sort of incentives can we offer to curb violence, drug use, overdoses, introduction of contraband, compromising staff, tattooing, or any other major infraction?"
Their first plan was the yellow zip tie. 90 days major infraction free? You get a yellow tag for your ID that gives you access to recreation periods and facilities you already had before this idea. Yep, they took those away just to make them a later "incentive". Very 1984.
Next was ice cream. You can buy a half pint for $3 once a month if you've got your magic, twinky-hued plastic bit. I love ice cream, but did the opportunity to spend three bucks once a month ever stop anyone in struggle? Prolly not, player.
And that's been it. Then last year, a good friend of mine, Dutch, proposed something done at just about every other institution: A field day. Fortunately, our newest superintendent was from one of these other facilities and green-lit the idea.
Unfortunately, the staff here were ill prepared to pull the thing off without a hitch and held it on the rainiest, windiest day in October. Despite trying to eat lunch faster than it could absorb water and holding down my salad with an elbow, I actually enjoyed myself. I hadn't shivered like that since being stranded on the side of a snowy mountain with a ditch-driven truck.
Seriously, it was kinda fun. When's the last time YOU and 300+ strangers all jockeyed for a dry spot or helped someone keep their condiments from blowing away while stuffing your face with rain kissed hotdogs, eh? There was a lighthearted camaraderie about the whole thing.
I'm not the only one who found enjoyment in the weirdness. There was plenty of soda for everyone (also a contributor to the chill, I'm sure), and lots of events unbeaten by the weather- Cornhole, flag football, a softball toss, three on three basketball, all sorts of stuff with prizes to boot. It was, all in all, a success and quite the incentive to stay out of trouble.
Fast forward to this year and the field day event is being given much more forethought and consideration. So much so, they've even asked ME to help.
"Sure, no problem. What can I do?" "Well last year, people felt the Iron Man race wasn't competitive enough. Could you handle that?" "Yup."
The previous year's course consisted of four stations, each separated by about ten yards. You carried a 50 pound exercise bag to each one. The stations were 10 pushups, 10 squats, 10 pull ups, and 10 dips. Whoever completed this grueling gauntlet the fastest, won.
Yeah, I can see why there were complaints. Back in Walla Walla, we did WAY more difficult courses. Borrowing from that experience, this is what I've come up with for this year...
Jump burpies x10 then...
Bear crawl twenty yards to marker, then...
Sprint back to 1, pick up your 50 pound bag and rush 60 yards to...
Over the shoulder ball toss and squats x10, then pick up your bag and rush 15 yards to...
Pull ups x10, then pick up your bag and rush 15 yards to...
Push ups x10, then pick up your bag and rush 60 yards to...
Box jumps x10, then pick up your bag and rush 15 yards to...
Dips x10, then pick up your bag and rush 180 yards to...
Drop your bag and do jump burpies x10, then...
Bear crawl twenty yards to marker, then...
Sprint back across the finish line at 1.
Wow. After writing it all out like that it DOES seem evil... Not sorry. Traditionally, these kind of races are supposed to be difficult and SHOULD be. Don't worry, we're providing handicaps for different age brackets, but people should be careful what they ask for.
For the record, yes, I've tested this course, but not in a competitive manner. My time isn't even mentionable and I'm horribly out of shape, but it IS doable.
Come race day however, the only thing I'll be running is a stopwatch. ^_^